Nathan’s Bottom 10 Films of 2013

By Nathan Gordon | ng312310@ohiou.edu | @GordonRises

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10. The Bling Ring
I’m becoming a big Emma Watson fan, so I was intrigued by this movie. She did fine in this movie, as did the rest of the cast. The story just seemed a little too weak and didn’t do anything to spice up its potential. The movie would have just been better off throwing some events in there that were outrageous and clearly didn’t happen to up the entertainment value.
9 . After Earth
Will Smith is in a serious timeout right now for actually thinking M. Night Shyamalan can make a good movie and then participating in it. They tried to mask it by making Jaden Smith the face of the film, but he doesn’t know any better. His more experienced and talented father gets the bulk of the blame for this.
8. Spring Breakers
This movie might contain James Franco’s best performance, but Harmony Korine tried his hardest to edit this film in a way where Franco’s element is almost negated. I mean, I felt like I was watching characters say a few words, and then a set of montage scenes (and that cycle kept being repeated). Korine also took a cool idea and ruined it with just dumb story elements, like setting up Selena Gomez’s character to be the star just for her to disappear completely from the movie early on and having a ridiculous epic shootout at the end.
7. Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
I’m not a fan of anything Tyler Perry, but I will say this movie wasn’t as bad as I expected. It still wasn’t good, but I expected a travesty. So, in my opinion, this movie should mark that down as a positive and just move on.
6. Movie 43
This movie was clearly made with the intent on being dumb. I was well aware of that going in. Yes, it was really dumb, but it had some funny segments, which is the reason it’s not the worst thing I seen this year.
5. The Lone Ranger
I was looking forward to this movie because I enjoy watching Johnny Depp in his “out-there” characters. But this movie just felt long and boring. The action pieces didn’t grab me, and Armie Hammer just didn’t click with me as the title character. He was good in the great The Social Network though.
4. Dark Skies
This scary movie is one of those easily forgettable movies. I literally don’t remember this movie very well. I just know that it was pretty wack, but not as bad as the movies lower than it on this list.
3. The Last Exorcism: Part 2
The Last Exorcism was a decent movie, until the ridiculous end. The sequel went almost the same route. Ashley Bell kept me entertained until the end. These endings, to me, are just so bad that the ruin any positives the movie had going for it.
2. Only God Forgives
When a movie has Ryan Gosling in it, I’m down to watch it and most likely will enjoy myself. This movie, though, was a forgivable misstep for Gosling. The movie’s lack of dialogue didn’t work out well, and seemed like it tried too hard to be different and “artsy”. I’m all for going against the norm, but sometimes it just doesn’t pay off. It’s all good Ryan, you’re forgiven.
1. Upstream Color
This movie takes the title of my least favorite movie of 2013 because it took me so long to figure out what exactly this confusing film was about. Once I got it, what I had already seen was not worth all the confusion. I don’t mind having to think, but I like to be entertained while doing so. For that reason, and the style in which the film was directed, I couldn’t stand this critically acclaimed movie.
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