By Meryl Gottlieb| firstname.lastname@example.org| @buzzlightmeryl
Glee will return to Fox in February
Glee had its fourth Christmas special this year. For some reason, they decided to make it seem as if they had filmed it for last year’s special, “Glee, Actually” — which was terrible in and of itself — and that it had remained off-air due to its content. However, after cuts and a poor attempt to have a funny intro segment from Jane Lynch, we got tonight’s episode, “Previously Unaired Christmas.”
This was quite possibly one of the biggest train wrecks I’ve ever seen. There was absolutely no plot in any setting. There is no reason for the writers to have gone back a year. It makes absolutely no sense and was just confusing to the already messed up timeline. (When exactly is graduation going to happen?) Of all the Christmas songs out there, their choices ranged from standard to incredibly weird. Santana (Naya Rivera) managed to save several moments in the New York storyline with her outstanding witty one-liners. Nevertheless, the rest of the episode was so bogged down by utter nonsense and terribleness that I don’t think anyone would have argued if the show had simply not aired this “previously unaired” special, which is a shame because the previous Christmas specials were overall actually good.
The first Christmas episode, “A Very Glee Christmas” was good in the sense that it continued the main storylines at the time and managed to bring out one of the show’s best duets: Blaine and Kurt’s “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” The second special was even better, featuring a parody of the Judy Garland and Star Wars Christmas specials. It was hilarious, had every wonderful Christmas song you could ask for and was just entertaining and fun. Unfortunately, that’s all the Christmas cheer we’ll get from Glee, for I don’t see the show improving much at all.
Welcome to Christmas 2012 where the show is a joke and the storylines don’t matter.
McKinley is hosting a Christmas tree decorating contest and the nondenominational Christmas club is putting on the nativity scene. Besides the fact that the McKinley storylines had no point to them at all, how is doing the nativity scene nondenominational? You are taking the only religious part of the holiday and putting it on. What is wrong with the writers?!
Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) goes crazy annoying diva again because of her desires to win the tree decorating contest. Why do the writers keep doing this? Tina is not a diva. Having these random, well, bitchy freak-outs doesn’t make her character appealing and simply makes us all wish that she would just graduate already.
The glee club sings “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” as they decorate their tree. Even Will (Matthew Morrison) sang. Morrison must have said something to Ryan Murphy because after a long period of doing nothing, Will is all of a sudden consistently singing again.
In the end, the glee club wins the contest but ultimately gives the trophy to Becky (Lauren Potter) who felt quite blue about not winning. Do you see how pointless this storyline was?
In other terrible McKinley storylines, there is quite the debacle over the casting of the nativity scene. Marley (Melissa Benoist) is cast in the role of the Virgin Mary after auditioning with Tina and Unique (Alex Newell) to “Mary’s Little Boy Child,” which I enjoyed. But Marley can see that Kitty (Becca Tobin) wanted the role, however Kitty says she can’t do it because she doesn’t have the “Virgin Mary spirit in her heart.” Oh OK. Now you’re a devout Christian repenting for her sins. Give me a break.
In an attempt to see that she can do the role, everyone tricks Kitty into thinking that Unique is the new Virgin Mary and that they’re do a ‘70s-esque birth scene set to “Love Child” by the Supremes. Cue the Kitty stank face and she’s in. I loved Newell’s performance. Newell is always entertaining, sassy and can sure belt out a tune.
However, again, what was the point?! It’s not like this storyline created some major arc or development in Kitty’s character. Also, Kitty, if you’re so for the sanctity of this story, why did you enter the stage area by saying, “Virgin in the house bitches!” Not right.
Back in New York, Rachel (Lea Michele) signed up herself, Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Santana — who hasn’t moved in yet but is visiting — to be elves in Santa’s village at the mall. Who would voluntarily do that? Does anyone actually think that would be a fun way to spend his or her time? Well they quickly learn they’re not in for any treats. Santa is a creepy drunk so they have to improvise. Why not do a song?! They sing “Here Comes Santa Clause” and actually do a really cool routine in Santa’s village. I liked the ‘20s/‘30s-esque vibe to the song. Glee at least manages to do the standards well. However, the kids aren’t pleased.
Santana, of course, has to leave to take a bubble bath because things are just too much. Kurt and Rachel then get her back to be Mrs. Clause who will take the kids’ Christmas wishes instead. Here is where Rivera shined. The responses to these kids’ wishes were hilarious. One pooped his pants, one needed a better grill and one should get an iPad instead of what he asked for because then the kid can watch porn on it. She’s the last character who is still written well. God bless her.
Things are still crashing down all around them when suddenly a sexy Santa appears but he won’t work with them until he gets to know them so Kurt invites him to dinner. Did you mean orgy? Because we all know that’s what almost went down. For a “family friendly” show, there were quite a few inappropriate moments between Kurt and Santa, especially when Kurt had his legs wrapped around him as they made out. Granted they were drunk off egg nog but still — I guess the episode really did need that “viewer discretion advised” warning at the beginning. That of course happened after a montage of the group singing “Christmas Don’t Be Late” from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Yes, Santana, Rachel and Kurt all huffed helium as Santa acted as Dave. Again, of all the Christmas songs to do, you pick this one? This was just sheer utter nonsense.
But Santa isn’t all so jolly and nice; he ends up tricking everyone and steals all of their stuff, after tying Kurt up in Christmas decorations of course. Kinky. I have no sympathy. They let a complete stranger into their home, sang and drank with him and were shocked he didn’t turn out to be straight laced. First off, he is a complete stranger. What message is this to the audience — who constantly sees these characters hooking up left and right and doing things no actual teenager would do — that you should just take in strange men and open your home to them? Stop these nonsensical storylines!
The trio is fired as elves but gets a new gig singing in a glass structure in the subway station — like the Macy’s Christmas window displays only much more sketchy. Now they join in with the glee club in McKinley to all sing “Away in a Manger.” Why do they all end up singing the same song? They’ve done it with “Roar” and “The Fox.” Just have one group sing. Of all the Christmas songs, would Rachel, Santana and Kurt really choose “Away in the Manger” to sing while enclosed in a glass box? It makes sense for the glee club since they’re acting out the nativity scene but that’s it. Just focus on one storyline. Once you get out of McKinley for good and just focus on New York, it will be easier.
Luckily, this was the winter finale and we are free of the terribleness that is Glee until February. Rejoice folks. I know I am.
Will you even be returning in the spring? What did you think of this year’s Christmas special? Let me know @buzzlightmeryl