TV: Chicken, building boyfriends and salons: Why “American Horror Story: Coven” is the best yet

By Meryl Gottlieb| mg986611@ohiou.edu| @buzzlightmeryl
American Horror Story: Coven airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on FX
Rating: 5/5

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I’m fairly certain that all of my American Horror Story: Coven reviews are just going to be a list of me praising the camera work, the storylines and the actors each week. The premiere was absolutely mind-blowing, and this follow-up, titled “Boy Parts,” was just as great.

Misty (Lily Rabe) is back and is taking revenge on those who mess with nature, like crocodile hunters for instance. I’m really digging this “witch of nature” vibe. Not to mention that Rabe looks amazing as this character. Actually, all of the characters look wonderful in their respective roles. Literally, everything is just amazing in this season.

Fiona (Jessica Lange) holds LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) hostage in her room as she prods her for information about how she has remained so young after being buried for 180 years. LaLaurie tells her that it was Laveau (Angela Bassett) who cursed her with immortality, but not before she could get immediate revenge as well. Before throwing her in the ground to live alone forever, Laveau hanged all of LaLaurie’s family members.

Everything about every storyline is so incredibly interesting, well-performed and executed on screen perfectly. I seriously cannot get over just how absolutely perfect this season is so far.

We get to learn a little about Queenie’s (Gabourey Sidibe) backstory. In Detroit in 2012, she was a good student working at a chicken restaurant. An annoying customer would not stop pestering her for more chicken so she dunked her arm in the fryer and — because of her human voodoo doll abilities — burns his arm. I can’t get over how creative this power is.

Favorite line from this scene comes when Queenie describes how she didn’t know of any black witches because she only knew of Charmed and “Sabrina the Teenage Cracker.” Perfection.

I need to take a moment to highlight how absolutely hilarious this season is. Fiona and Madison (Emma Roberts) are typically the main culprits for sass and wit, and I am eating it up. Creator Ryan Murphy said he wanted this season to be easier to watch and, while the first episode had its moments, I can definitely see how this season will be much lighter than the previous seasons.

The police question Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) and Madison, and while Madison plays it cool, Zoe cracks and confesses to being a witch and to being involved in the bus crash. Girl, what is your problem?! Never fear, Fiona is here. Using the powers of her spit, she fixes everything. I mean how crazy is it that she can make her spit have that much of an effect?! She is definitely a force to be reckoned with.

After that incident, Fiona scolds the girls for being weak and warns them that the only thing they have to be afraid of is her. Yeah, I’m going to say I agree with that. Fiona is definitely the HBIC.

Madison and Zoe go to the morgue to bring Kyle (Evan Peters) back to life. When they get there, they see that all of the boys’ bodies are in parts. This prompts Madison’s idea to “build the perfect boyfriend.” You know, like Build-a-Bear but better. I have to agree with Madison, even as a severed corpse, Peters still looks hot.

After an intense scene with flashing lights and screaming, nothing happens.  Zoe stays behind to say sorry to Kyle’s body and kisses his cold, dead lips. I am really surprised that no one has intervened yet, but that’s the government shutdown for you. When someone finally comes in the room, Kyle awakes and attacks the man but immediately stops once he sees Zoe.

Oh goodness. Their relationship is going to be so cute and adorable. I love it so much already.

Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) is apparently married and is trying desperately to have a baby. Her husband urges her to use magic since science has continually failed them. At first reluctant, Cordelia agrees and the two have sex within a pentagram of sorts. In comparison to other AHS sex scenes, this was pretty toned down.

My only concern with that is does this mean she will have a demon baby like the one that happened in season one? Remember that?! Oh gosh. I’m not prepared for this. Also, is she doing this in the school? Don’t all the students live down the hall? I’d reconsider your ethics, Ms. Foxx.

Nan (Jamie Brewer) hears LaLaurie and yells at her for making too much noise. She unties her and tells her to get out. I found this a lot funnier than it was probably intended to be.

Fiona goes to see Laveau at her present-day hair salon. Yes, like LaLaurie, Laveau looks the same as she did in 1830. The banter between these two was so excellent. Once again, Fiona’s sass is so sharp but Laveau knows how to hold her own, especially while in a cheetah print outfit. The two battle about the origin of magic and the importance of Tituba, one of the first women accused in the Salem witch trials. The Supreme vs. the necromancer. This showdown is going to be a battle worth watching.

It was amazing to see Lange shine in the first two seasons, but now she has company. Bates and Bassett are incredible actors, and to have all three of them interact creates nothing less than perfection. I absolutely love this season and this cast.

tumblr_musrmaDpQo1qzmkxio4_250Misty was drawn to Zoe’s magic and helps her with Kyle. She senses a strong connection between herself and Zoe. I’m sensing this relationship is going to get a little possessive and not turn out in Zoe’s favor. Side not: Did they really just call out Stevie Nicks for being a “white witch” after listening to “Rhiannon?” Yes, they did.

Who else saw Kyle grab Zoe as she prepared to leave?!?! Anyone?! Anyone?! How adorable was that?! Obviously, this relationship is going to be on par with the excellence that was the relationship between Tate and Violet in season one. So excited.

Remember the Minotaur? Well guess what, he’s alive too!! Laveau tells her love that LaLaurie is alive and unshackles him. Oh boy. Great television is about to be made.

Fiona finds LaLaurie outside of her house, which is now a historical site. LaLaurie grieves over her lost daughters and utters her contempt for the modern age. Obviously, Fiona has no pity for her situation and warns her that if she ever tries to run again, she’ll put her back in the box.

And that’s how you end an episode.

The storylines: A+. The acting: A+. The camera work: A+. The comedy: A+++ — yes, folks, this show is that funny. I know, I would have never expected AHS to ever be funny and yet I cannot get over how witty the characters are. Here are some great highlights:

“I’ve been acting since I was 5, I know my lines,” said Madison after Zoe asked her if she said the resurrection spell correctly.

“Maybe in the next century, you can own two s–t-holes salons,” Fiona says to Laveau.

“Did we just marry the devil because I don’t know if I’m down with that,” Zoe said during Madison’s recital of the resurrection spell, which consisted of them giving their selves over to Satan.

“You could offer me a unicorn that s–t hundred-dollar bills, and I’d still never give you more than a headache,” Laveau said in response to Fiona saying she had something Laveau wanted.

“Want a bite?” Fiona asks LaLaurie after she just finished telling her the story of how her entire family was hanged. That chicken did look good; let’s be honest.

Well-done horror and comedy, what more could you ask for?

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