By Meryl Gottlieb| firstname.lastname@example.org| @buzzlightmeryl
Glee airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. on Fox
Rating: 1.5/ 5
After the death of star Cory Monteith in mid-July, many wondered how Glee could even continue without its leading man. And Thursday’s premiere, “Love, Love, Love,” proved that it is simply continuing its streak of terrible storytelling. I understand last-minute changes had to be made to the script in order to write out Monteith, but it wasn’t even that he was missing — though that’s certainly going to be felt in the coming episodes — it was that the writing was so poor and so unentertaining that I essentially rolled my eyes for the entire hour.
The first two episodes of this fifth season are tributes to The Beatles — an idea I’m surprised they didn’t do earlier since the writers now seem to rely on tribute/themed episodes to continue the series. According to show creator Ryan Murphy, these tributes have been long in the making, however they didn’t seem very well thought out.
I must now discuss one of my main issues with Glee: they need to get out of Lima and McKinley High!! The few moments in this premiere that focused on Rachel (Lea Michele) in New York were the best moments and they only comprised about 10 minutes of the whole episode. The rest was pure agony. The moment this class graduates, the show needs to forget McKinley and even the new kids because we all know they aren’t worth our time.
Let’s get down to business.
Rachel auditions for Funny Girl with Mr. Fantastic in an attempt to please the director, Carlisle Cullen. In other words, why are Ioan Gruffudd and Peter Facinelli on Glee right now?
After overhearing the two discuss how she’s too young and inexperienced, Rachel walks around New York singing “Yesterday.” At first, I was furious they just threw one of the most beautiful songs ever written into the mix, making it seem like it was directed at the loss of the Funny Girl opportunity. Then, I heard Michele’s voice and could tell the song was for Monteith. Then I went on Tumblr and realized that the montage of New York was her actually walking around all the places she and Finn (Monteith) visited in season two when the glee club went to New York, like the scene where they had dinner at Sardi’s. Oh, right in the feels.
Except, they weren’t supposed to address Monteith’s passing yet, so I’m not quite sure how this ties in right now. This song and montage would have worked much better in the tribute to Monteith airing Oct. 10.
Artie (Kevin McHale) and Kitty (Becca Tobin) are now an item. Why?! Did Artie all of a sudden fall in love with her because she helped him talk to his mom about going to school in New York? That’s a terrible basis for a relationship.
The gang goes to a carnival, and Artie sings “Drive My Car.” While his voice is absolutely delightful in it, Kitty’s voice is six octaves too low. An annoying recurring theme tonight lies in the fact that the show just throws in Beatles songs at will. There is a ton to choose from. Can you really not find any that actually have something to do with the plot?
Because of fellow Cheerios, Kitty wants to keep her and Artie’s relationship a secret, and Artie agrees. Oh man, what an original plot!
Pining over Kitty, Artie sings “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.” So here we have the one song that actually has something to do with the plot. Don’t expect another one until season six.
I’m not a fan of this relationship. Sure, Artie is the only character left whose love life you haven’t explored but that doesn’t mean you have to do so. The two go public when Kitty reveals she just wanted to make sure of her feelings before risking the chance of breaking her heart and ruining her social status. Oh, how sweet.
A terrible subplot in the episode follows Sue (Jane Lynch) who is now principal after she framed Figgins (Iqbal Theba). You would think the return of mean Sue would make everything better, however this Sue isn’t as evil as the season one Sue and personally, I think her character is just over done. They killed her after trying to make her nice and pals with Will (Matthew Morrison). Again, they need to just move out of McKinley once and for all.
Klaine is back. The two decide to date again and, to celebrate, launch a typical schoolyard number, this time involving the marching band. “Got to Get You Into My Life” was very well performed, but I’m tired of these big numbers in the middle of the school’s campus. For a third time, retire the McKinley storylines while you can.
Blaine (Darren Criss) still wants to marry Kurt (Chris Colfer). To prove how the world is changing and becoming a better place, Blaine wants to unite The Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline and the glee club from the Haverbrook School for the Deaf for the proposal because if a bunch of glee clubs can unite then anything is possible. I may have actually shouted “Boo!” at my TV for this segment. The New Directions sing “Help!” as they run to all of these schools to gather the glee clubs. This show is all about the realism folks.
Rachel is now a waitress with Santana (Naya Rivera) at the Spotlight Diner where the waiters are all wannabe stars. Oh so conveniently, Gruffudd and Facinelli go to eat there. To prove them wrong about Funny Girl, Rachel and the entire staff burst into “A Hard Day’s Night,” the only entertaining number in the entire episode. The choreography worked perfectly with the setting, and Michele and Rivera’s vocals, as always, were superb. This was definitely the highlight of the night.
Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) is bitter, so to help, Blaine, Ryder (Blake Jenner), Jake (Jacob Artist) and Sam (Chord Overstreet) dress as The Beatles and sing “I Saw Her Standing There.” Yes, that’s going to make her feel better. Then they all offer their services as potential prom dates, and Tina chooses Sam. This was just so ridiculous that I don’t even want to talk about it. Except that I absolutely detested the screaming girls gag that took place for the whole song. Yes, they did that during the Backstreet Boys/ NSYNC mash-up last season but at least that stopped after the first 30 seconds.
Burt (Mike O’Malley) and Kurt have an always-adorable father-son moment as Burt drives Kurt to his proposal. While that set-up was awful, the moment was nice.
In quite the lavish style, Blaine proposes to Kurt. Equipped with all the glee clubs, another marching band and old New Directions members — Rachel, Santana and even Mercedes (Amber Riley) — Blaine sings “All You Need is Love” as Kurt wonders around the halls of Dalton Academy. They ended on the stairs where the two first met. Blaine’s speech about love and soul mates would have been much more adorable had he not been preaching about that for the past season. Nevertheless, it was a proposal that everyone wishes for — maybe not as lavish but definitely one with that much heart — and Kurt says “Yes.”
And then Tumblr blew up while the rest of the world wonders why this show is still on air.