By Meryl Gottlieb| firstname.lastname@example.org| @buzzlightmeryl
Glee airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. on Fox
Ridiculous storylines and pointless performances… Glee has returned.
At least last season when the show went on hiatus, the new episode that followed was good – remember Matt Bomer? However, nothing of the sort can be said for this premiere episode.
I was thoroughly disappointed with tonight’s episode; I guess I should start getting used to that feeling.
Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) has more lines in this episode than she did for all of season two. In order to curb the embarrassment of not being asked to a dance, Tina proposes to hold a Sadie Hawkins dance so that the girls can choose their dates. Girl power!
Kurt (Chris Colfer) discovers that college is just like high school. I beg to differ. College is much better than high school. For instance, I get to blog about TV in college; in high school, I just watched TV. Anyway, Rachel (Lea Michele) continually blows Kurt off to hang out with Brody (Dean Geyer), so Kurt decides to partake in extracurricular activities in order to meet new people. The first one he finds is a show choir called “Adam’s Apples” –that’s an unfortunate name.
Beiste (Dot Jones) somehow always manages to incorporate some philosophical ideology into every scene she is in. Tonight focused on the idea of Sadie Hawkins – about empowerment and not waiting around. Good advice, just awkwardly included in the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kurt Hummel’s sass is back! Not once but twice is he super sassy towards Rachel. Oh, how I’ve missed it! I don’t care if I’m stereotyping the homosexual male; Chris Colfer is a sass master.
Kurt brings up the idea of joining the show choir, but Rachel shuts down that idea quickly, saying it would be “social suicide.” Mean Girls much?
Tina sings “I Don’t Know How to Love Him,” which is appropriate because she is in love with Blaine (Darren Criss), who will clearly not reciprocate that love. Utter nonsense. However, it did bring about the chance for a Darren Criss butt shot, which is always appreciated.
Kurt meets the leader of Adam’s Apples, Adam (Oliver Kieran-Jones), a senior with a beautiful British accent. The Brit is very forward about getting Kurt to join and takes him to see his group sing.
But the song Adam’s Apples sang ruined his special guest appearance. “Baby Got Back.” Literally, it was the worst song ever. Of all the songs to choose, why on earth would that be your final decision? Pick a song that actually sounds good in an acoustic version or at least something that would make Kurt actually want to join that club. Geez.
In an interaction that is simply too good to describe properly, Brittany (Heather Morris) is, of course, hilarious and helps Marley (Melissa Benoist) gain the courage to ask Jake (Jacob Artist) to the dance. Because of her magical turn, Brittany and Marley duet to “Tell Him,” the only great performance of the night. The vocals were superb, and the choreography was perfect. Check out this awesome clip of the original version: http://bit.ly/ug41L
Jakes agrees to go with Marley, which upsets Kitty (Becca Tobin) who tries to get Jake to go back on his decision by promising him a “home run” with her.
Blaine tells Tina that the reason he turned down her offer to go to the dance is because he has a crush on someone: Sam (Chord Overstreet). Why?! I really like the two as friends; why are we even bothering with this? Goodness these ridiculous crushes are just frustrating.
Kurt tells Rachel about Adam, who has been coming on to him quite often, and she tells him to go for it. Not fair, first Kurt gets Darren Criss and now he has a British guy. He is literally living my dreams. And because Kurt is adorable, Adam agrees to go on a date with him. If you listen closely, you can hear all of the Klaine worshippers crying.
In order to stop Kitty from bothering Jake, Puck (Mark Salling) intervenes but ends up agreeing to go to the dance with her. The two actually hit it off, although I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.
At the dance, the glee club guys do a boy band version of “No Scrubs.” I never really enjoy covers of TLC songs, for how can you beat TLC?! Nonetheless, it was not awful. The glee club girls sing “Locked Out of Heaven.” I HATE Bruno Mars, especially this song, but their cover was actually pretty good. Some of the dance moves were a bit questionable but all-around a good performance.
What is up with the extremely awkward dancing?! Whenever any scene involved the actors talking while on the dance floor, they were dancing off beat and just distractingly. It was just bad.
While they are dancing, Blaine and Tina almost kiss before Sam pulls Blaine away. Why are we still discussing this nonsense?! I should feel sorry for Tina, but I don’t.
Sam and Blaine believe the Warblers were using steroids at Sectionals, which would mean their disqualification and a chance for the New Directions to compete again. Finn (Cory Monteith) is hesitant to do anything until Blaine brings in Trent (Dominic Barnes), a Warbler who refused to use steroids and may testify against the group. Duh, duh, duuuhhhhhhh…
Of course there had to be a way for the glee club to perform again; heaven forbid they never perform at a competition again this season. It also proves to be a fairly solid way of closing off the ties to the Warblers since Blaine graduates this season.
Rachel way overreacts to Brody’s tardiness for dinner. Seriously, she goes crazy. He then gushes some lovey-dovey jargon, and the two are in love again. Rachel then asks Brody to move in with her and Kurt! TOO SOON. Judging.