How the Grinch Does Christmas: Week 1

By Emily Bamforth | eb104010@ohiou.edu | @EmilyMBamforth

Tis the season to be jolly. Although we have left festively decorated Athens, we can now return to our homes, where we will constantly be assaulted with holiday movies, music and good cheer. Some wish Christmas would come all year round. However, I’m going to share you a secret with you.
I hate Christmas.

I’m pausing now for you to hurl baubles at me with screams of “SCROOGE! HOW DARE YOU! YOU HAVE A HEART AS BLACK AS COAL AND PROBABLY KICK PUPPIES ALONG WITH SPREADING YOUR HOLIDAY HATRED!”

Trust me, I wish I could enjoy Christmas. The fact that “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” makes me cringe doesn’t exactly lead to life being easy this time of year. What follows is my own version of the “Christmas list,” only instead of good cheer, this list contains the reasons why Christmastime is the worst time.

1. The decorations. Seriously people, giant snowmen are not classy, and neither are rapidly blinking Christmas lights. Sometimes I feel like people should put warnings in front of their houses for those who are prone to seizures. The decorations are blown out of proportion, just like everything else in regards to the holiday.

2. Christmas episodes of shows. There are only so many plot lines that can be centered around Christmas, and T.V. has sufficiently used all of them. I am tired of somebody forgetting somebody else’s Christmas gift, or a Santa being involved in a murder in some way (Bones, I’m looking at you). All I want for Christmas is significant character or plot development, and it never, ever comes.

3. No doubt somebody has described in great detail to you about how Christmas has become commercialized, a.k.a how a holiday originally based on giving is now centered on the receiving of presents and how much you can grab at the holiday sales. I won’t rehash that argument, but will only nod to my fellow Grinches in acknowledgement. Keep spreading the knowledge.

4. The pressure. One of my fellow Christmas-detesting peers once said that she would “appreciate Christmas a lot more if it was in August.” She then went on to talk about the hype surrounding Christmas and how much pressure surrounds the holiday. I have never agreed with anything more. There is a lot of stress associated in the holidays. There’s a pressure to make everything perfect, only for it all to be let out in one fell swoop with most likely a drained bank account and a lot less “comfort and joy” than one came in with. Holidays should be about relaxation and being with the ones you love, and I think Christmas has steered away from that.

There are many, many more, but I think naming all the reasons would make this list longer than Santa’s, and everyone knows that takes all year and wastes a ton of paper. Mull over these arguments while you’re chomping down on some peppermint bark (one aspect I do support!) and maybe you’ll begin to see my side of the story.

Bah humbug.

Keep up with Emily every week as she takes us inside the mind of a real-life but not-quite-so-mean Grinch.

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