Deck the Green: Biggest holiday movie flops

By Brad Friedman | bf051111@ohiou.edu

The Christmas classic It’s a Wonderful Life turned 66 years old this year, and more than half a century later it’s still hard to hold back the tears of joy when George Bailey is swarmed by his wife and three adoring kids.

Now, while this Christmas staple is hard to top, money-seeking Hollywood filmmakers aren’t discouraged from trying to create the next Christmas masterpiece. Hits like Elf, Home Alone, and A Christmas Story received critical praise and financial success upon their release.

However, there are also those movies that leave us scratching our heads.

When making that must-watch movie list over Christmas break, save your valuable time by omitting these holiday busts.

jingle all the way5. Jingle All The Way (1996)

Arnold Scharzenegger “terminated” everything we love about Christmas movies in this story about being materialistic.

As if the awkward acting wasn’t bad enough, the random blurbs of silly violence blur what is supposed to be a family-friendly story. Though the story ends on a sweet note, the message that material items are the key to mending a relationship had already been broken.

Although there is something very amusing about Schwarzenegger dressing up as an action figure. Never the less, this movie was ho-ho-horrendous.

4.  Christmas with the Kranks (2004)christmas with the kranks

Call me crazy, but I thought a comedy was supposed to be funny. Not even accomplished actors Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis could save this mediocre script.

Along with the script, the Kranks are forced to succumb to their neighborhood’s demands to celebrate Christmas, despite their plans to skip the holiday because of the absence of their daughter. In a country with a severe bullying problem, this isn’t exactly the proper message a movie should be sending during this joyous season.

 

 

4 christmases3. Four Christmases (2008)

Predictable, low-grade humor and a dose of family spite combine to create a miserable spin on a romantic Christmas story.

With so many different stories and characters to follow, one would think that there would be at least one enjoyable. Vince Vaughn’s usual sarcastic, smart-aleck style of acting drew a dark cloud over a bleak story about wanting to avoid family during the holidays.

You almost feel bad for how dysfunctional these families are; even one of the most glee-filled holidays couldn’t bring them together.

2. The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)the santa clause 3

Whoever first said that the third time is the charm needs to do some critical thinking.

The battle over Santa’s workshop between Jack Frost and Saint Nick himself provided no clear storyline and a hint that this series should not have added a third chapter.

The movie’s script appeared to have been written by a group of five year-olds, explaining the movie’s marginal financial success with that demographic. Tim Allen’s third go-around as Santa failed to capture the magic movie-goers had experienced 12 years prior.

 

black christmas1.  Black Christmas (2006)

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The 21st century adaption of the 1974 thriller, which was relatively popular, combined crummy acting, overly gory violence, unremarkable victims, and a lack of creativity in the script.

In all fairness, Black Christmas was produced in an era where suspense has been taken away from horror movies. It was way too easy to predict where they bad guy was, when he was going to strike, and how he was going to attack.

The blood-filled flick is a guarantee to ruin the Christmas spirit of anybody who views it. Frankly, fruitcake and the abundance of ugly Christmas sweaters are more enjoyable than this mess of a movie.

 

There you have it, folks: Five less potential time-wasters off the list. As for my Christmas movie choice, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1965) never gets old.

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