By Meryl Gottlieb | firstname.lastname@example.org | @buzzlightmeryl
American Horror Story airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on FX.
Guys, I just can’t even… no… no words can form right now.
Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) goes to a Nazi hunter to discuss her questions about Dr. Arden’s (James Cromwell) past.
Anne (Franka Potente) is not actually Anne Frank; she is Charlotte Brown and her husband has come to claim her. Jude is not pleased because now she feels like a fool for believing a psychotic woman’s stories.
While I was pretty sure Anne wasn’t actually Anne Frank, I am almost always wrong about my American Horror Story predictions, so I second-guessed myself (plus the fact that they tied in the Black Dahlia last season so maybe another “celebrity” was needed, but I was wrong).
Jude changed her mind about sterilizing Kit (Evan Peters) but not about Grace (Lizzie Brocheré) who is furious about her unchanged fate. She screams in her solitary cell when a bright, white light blinds her – like what happened in the season premiere with Kit.
While in “the light,” Grace sees a pregnant Alma (Britne Oldford) before being probed by aliens – or at least I think they’re aliens. She is later shown in the lobby bleeding vaginally, meaning that her sterilization was performed but what about the incision in her stomach when she was abducted?! Answers, now!
Arden is furious with Jude for allowing the whole Anne fiasco to happen and plans to go to the Monsignor (Joseph Fiennes) to have her fired.
Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe) – still possessed as ever – tells Arden she is the one who moved Shelley (Chloë Sevigny) from his lab when Sister Jude inspected it after Anne’s story.
At an elementary school, presumably close by, a group of children discover Shelley crawling up a flight of stairs: Can we talk about the problems those children are going to have? I can barely stand to look at Shelley now, and I’m technically an adult. Why the children, Ryan? WHY?!
Dr. Thredson (Zachary Quinto) finally sneaks Lana (Sarah Paulson) out of Briarcliff in the most anti-climatic way possible – she walks out as he distracts the guard by lighting his cigarette. ORLY!!
Anne/ Charlotte is brought back in because her husband cannot deal with her Anne Frank-obsession anymore. With her husband’s permission, Arden performs a lobotomy. For all you squeamish folks like me, that five-second scene was quite hard to watch.
Frank (Fredric Lehne), the cop, informs Jude that Lana is gone, and Jude believes this is her final straw. She then tells Frank an endearing story about how lonely she was as a girl, with her pet squirrel — and oh, the brilliant acting done by Jessica Lange in this scene is impeccable. She does not break her accent once, and I almost cried because of her story. Not many actors can do that, so let’s all give her the props she deserves … **cough** another Emmy **cough**
Jude then gets all dolled up and goes to a bar and has a one-night stand. What a turn of events.
After Thredson’s suggestion and promise, Kit admits to the killings because he thinks Thredson will save him and just keep him in Briarcliff forever. Wrong: Kit is arrested for the murders after Thredson hands over the tapes.
So the time has come when I finally get to FREAK OUT!
Thredson takes Lana back to his place because he thinks that is the safest place since they are both in danger. He is very adamant about her not saying anything to anyone about her whereabouts for the night.
He pours her a glass of wine and says she will write his story… Ummm, Lana you best get the frack out of there! As she sits there uncomfortably, Lana observes Thredson’s apartment, noticing his very odd lampshade and bowl…
Lana stumbles into his “furniture making workshop” where he makes lampshades OUT OF SKIN!!!! Run, girl, run! Thredson then opens a trapdoor, and Lana falls into his actual workshop. Hyperventilating right now.
In Thredson’s workshop, Lana finds Wendy (Clea DuVall) frozen. Thredson says how he is thawing her out so he can continue treatment with Lana. But don’t worry Lana, she won’t bite because he took out her teeth and put them on his Bloody Face mask. No big.
Just kidding, THREDSON IS BLOODY FACE!!!!!!! I’m flabbergasted.
Once again, I have realized I can never correctly guess anything on this show. While I thought it was weird Thredson continually pushed Kit to confess on tape, I honestly never thought about him being demented until Lana was in his house, which I also thought was nicely decorated at first – but I swear that was before I saw the skin lampshade & skull bowl.
My mind has been doing hurdles for the past few hours because I still am amazed at this turn of events.
This is what suspense is like. This is what a heart attack almost feels like. This is good TV.