TV: How I gave you heartburn… or, the usual suspense with ‘How I Met Your Mother’ season 8 premiere

By Meryl Gottlieb | | @merylgottlieb  
How I Met Your Mother airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on CBS.
Rating 4/5

I’ve come to the conclusion that How I Met Your Mother is simply one big cliffhanger.

I have been an ardent fan for as long as I can remember and most of my memories consist of me almost falling off my couch because I cannot believe what I may or may not have just seen. And this season’s premiere was nothing different.

For a quick recap of season seven’s cliffhangers, we saw Ted (Josh Radnor) and Victoria (Ashley Williams) driving off together after Victoria left her fiancé at the altar. Throughout the season, we also caught glimpses of “sometime in the near future” where Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) is getting married, and from the season finale we know that the bride is Robin (Cobie Smulders)!

Tonight’s episode opened with Ted telling some random woman at a train station the beginning of Barney and Robin’s wedding, which showed both Barney and Robin having doubts about the wedding — another cliffhanger! Come on writers, use some other tactic to keep viewers.

Then, we go back to the present where Barney is still engaged to Quinn (Becki Newton) and Marshall (Jason Segel) and Lily (Alyson Hannigan) just had their baby boy and are exhausted from being new parents, which possibly the best comedic aspect of tonight’s episode. I’d like to speak on the behalf of everyone on planet earth when I say “why can’t all of our relationships be like Marshall and Lily’s?!” It is the epitome of how everyone dreams his or her marriage to be.

Quinn then asks Robin and Lily to be her bridesmaids, which Robin clearly has a problem with, despite the fact that she is apparently dating someone. Robin confronts Barney about this, but he says Quinn will never find out since he has virtually erased all evidence of his and Robin’s relationship, which hurts Robin even more because she feels that he did this without a second thought (though we later find out that is not true).

Due to sleep deprivation, Marshall and Lily let it slip that Robin and Barney dated while Quinn is the room, because they forgot that they had invited her in.

Meanwhile, Ted and Victoria have been driving away to somewhere with a very bright sunset when Victoria confesses she didn’t leave her ex-fiancé a goodbye/explanatory note, which Ted flips out over because of his personal experience with being left at the altar during season four.  As the typical nice-guy that he is, Ted convinces Victoria to go back and leave a note. After a parade of shenanigans involving the note and a manly German woman, Ted witnesses Victoria’s fiancé, Klaus (Thomas Lennon), attempting to flee the wedding as well.

Klaus then uses some weird German phrases to explain the concepts of “life-long destiny” and “almost what we want,” which then sets in motion a montage of clips of Marshall, Lily, and their baby boy, Marvin Waitforit Eriksen (yes, Barney decided the middle name), as well as Barney giving Robin a key to a locker where he kept all of their relationship’s evidence (they are meant to be!). Clearly, including Robin and Barney in a montage involving Marshall and Lily must mean that those two are meant to be, and I may rest easy tonight … or maybe not. Oh, jeez, I can’t stand the anticipation.

Then we cut to Bob Saget’s narration of how Klaus was right, you meet the right one in the right place at the right time. So now we jump back to “sometime in the near future” as a hint that this is the moment when Ted will meet The One. Ted is at this train station in Farhampton (the episode’s title) when suddenly a woman gets out of cab, guitar in hand, and is holding the famous yellow umbrella. Yes, oh man, we are finally going to see Mrs. Ted Mosby!

Then, of course, the episode ends. And I scream in anger at the television about why it won’t give me answers to one of the greatest questions of all time.

Those How I Met Your Mother writers really know how to pull on my heartstrings. When will Robin and Barney be together, if they even end up together at all? Who is the famous and mysterious Mrs. Ted Mosby?

And, most importantly, how much more awesome can Marshall and Lily get?

All I want are answers and by the usual technique of the show, I will have to just sit and wait anxiously.


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